


For You I Carry the World

by briaeveridian



Series: Canon-Divergence [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Divergence, Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Father/Son, Han POV, Healing, Honestly I'm not sure, I love them so much it hurts to try and explain, I'm a little mad at Han still, Revisionist History, Soft Ben Solo, Soft Han Solo, canonverse, oh the pain, why am I more mad at Han than Leia?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25978213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/briaeveridian/pseuds/briaeveridian
Summary: A reimagining of Han's and Ben's relationship, spanning almost thirty years.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Han Solo
Series: Canon-Divergence [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918030
Comments: 19
Kudos: 33





	For You I Carry the World

**Author's Note:**

> I carry your heart  
> No matter the weight  
> For you are my world  
> And my love won't abate.
> 
> *I imagine, if Han sat down to write a poem for Ben, he would try to sound fancy. It would definitely rhyme. And he wouldn't ever let anyone read it (especially Leia). It's an image that makes me chuckle.

* * *

[ Newborn ]

The first time he holds his son is an infinite moment. It stretches on between mind and body, through space and time. The tiny bundle that Ben is, encapsulating an enormous amount of hope, wields a power over Han. He is crushed by it, as mountains are diminished to sand at ocean’s bottom. He is rain-heavy clouds ready to burst. 

Words evade and distort themselves. 

He is simply embracing his child, awash and delirious.

* * *

[ 1 year old ]

A deluge of sound wakes Han, pulling him back from oblivion. Ben is wailing beside him, tiny and soft, still startlingly new to this world.

Leia is dealing with New Republic shenanigans, which has become the norm. Han grabs blindly for the bottle, finally grasping fingers around its shape.

He offers it to his child tenderly. This is a moment that surprises Han. That even though he feels more tired than words can describe, as if his very eyes have been taken from his head, leaving only exhausted, empty sockets behind; even still, he can cradle and hold, trace the baby’s forehead and patiently reassure.

“You’re alright, kid. I’ve got you.”

* * *

[ 2 years old ]

It’s a morning that has followed many others. Ben is running through the apartment, naked, refusing to put clothes on. He cackles and the sound finds chorus amongst the walls.

Han smiles in spite of himself. _There’s no rush, so why bother?_ The kid exudes pure giddy abandon and it ignites the whole space with joy.

“Can’t get me!” Ben hoots at Han, racing down the hall and out onto the balcony.

Leia is there and grabs him, to his shock and delight.

“My little wild one,” Leia says, nuzzling his cheek as he tries to thrash away, giggling.

It’s only a moment before Ben, glancing over his shoulder at his parents as he dashes, crashes into the wall. An eruption of tears overtakes him as he falls onto the floor. Han surges forward, Leia behind him.

Ben’s tiny arms grasp at Han’s neck. “Dada,” he whimpers.

Han holds Ben as he voices his distress. Leia joins them, her hand rubbing Ben’s back comfortingly.

* * *

[ 3 years old ]

Ben seizes beside him. His whole body contorts and Han reaches for him immediately, consoling, whispering. Ben startles and awakens. He shoots up, sobbing into Han’s chest. Both of his fists clutching small handfuls of Han’s shirt.

“I’m here. You’re safe. The nightmare’s over.”

Ben opens his eyes and stares at his father. Large tears run rivers down his round cheeks.

“It doesn’t feel over, daddy. It feels like it’s still here.” The tremor in Ben’s voice is heart wrenching. Instantly, Han has the nearly overwhelming impulse to fly into action, blaster in hand, enemy beware. He wants to defend his son against this invisible foe more than his mind could ever summon the words.

But as Ben clings to Han again, he releases the tension and simply embraces his boy, knowing his presence is enough. It will always be enough just to be with Ben.

After a time, Ben’s frantic breathing slows, evens out. The curly mop of hair sags against Han’s chest. Han follows Ben back into slumber, his arms encompassing the boy.

* * *

[ 4 years old ]

Leia is gone again and Ben notices.

He notices because Han is the one trying to help Ben read books that are far too advanced. Ben refuses anything _age appropriate_. This process tries both of their patience and often ends in raised voices. _Leia would be truly disappointed_ , Han thinks sardonically.

“Well, if I’m _this_ bad at helping, just get the droid in here!” he shouts. Ben’s eyes widen at the volume for a moment. Then he juts out his chin.

“I don’t want the droid. I want you to do it.” Han covers his face in his hands. This is when even his best intentions and most dedicated efforts fall short. This is when he feels like he isn’t a good enough father for his precocious child, not patient or intelligent or emotionally available enough. 

Somehow he ended up with a child who wants to know as much as possible about as many things as possible. From mechanics (which is what they started on) to galactic history, classic literature, and science of all kinds. 

Han never had that push to learn this much. Maybe he hadn’t had the resources or time. Survival was always prioritized over expanding one’s knowledge. It is true irony that his son would devour all information that was offered, even casually.

Ben is still staring at him, both daring and afraid. Han considers where the fear could have come from. _I yelled at him, again. And he’s learning not to trust me._

Han’s insides are a tumult. He steadies himself. _This is the job, so step up._

“Alright, son, let’s try this again.” Ben’s look of relief is startling. Han swallows aggressively and sits on the couch. Ben plops down beside him, instantly eager and content.

* * *

[ 5 years sold ]

There are things flying across the room when Han walks in. Ben is splayed out on the floor. Han rushes to him, shaking the small shoulders.

Ben’s eyes pop open, fear coiled within the iris. “Dad…” he whimpers. “I was somewhere dark. It was darker than anything. It breathed and hissed-” Ben can’t say more. His whole body is coiled and tight. Ben burrows into him.

Han feels fear, too. It’s a thick rope looping around him, tightening and squeezing. 

“Leia!” Han calls. For once she is here. And maybe she can provide the calm that Ben needs. Han can’t manufacture it. _Once again, you fall short_.

Leia runs in and grasps Ben at once. He doesn’t want to let go of Han. But Han is desperate to escape. Flight instincts winning over fight.

Leia starts singing Ben’s favorite Alderaanian lullaby and his limbs loosen. Leia sits with him on the floor, arms encasing their son, hair a cascade. She starts to sing louder as Han bolts for their room.

Ben’s fear and alarm were tangible. Han could taste them. Bitter, acrid, putrid. The thought of his little boy being stuck in that disturbs Han to such a fundamental degree his stomach heaves. 

Han doesn’t make it to the ‘fresher before he vomits. His whole body rejects only seconds of what his son has to live with. It is unfair, unjust. He is weak compared to a five-year-old boy. His boy. The number one job of being a father is _protection_ of the child. And Han’s incompetency is a torrential storm, wreaking havoc in his mind and tattering his heart.

Once Ben is asleep, Leia finds Han, still laying on the floor. Leia takes him in her arms, running fingers across his back. He wishes she would sing for him, too.

* * *

[ 6 years old ]

Han and Chewie are working on the _Millenium Falcon_. More accurately, Chewie is working while Han complains about how little time he has to go on adventures. How bored he is. Chewie only grunts. 

Ben insisted that he come too, so that he could “learn the ropes,” which was a phrase that made the father and uncle chuckle. Ben enjoyed using regionally specific and obscure turns of phrase. It gave him a mental challenge. This habit also tended to elicit smiles from his elders, which Han knew Ben relished.

By this time, of course, Ben has disappeared. Ben learning about the _Falcon_ mechanics often entails him just deciding to do things he _senses_ need to be done. This is endlessly aggravating to Han, who finds Ben’s growing powers entirely unrelatable and if he’s being honest, a bit unsettling. _When does my son surpass me? When will he not need me anymore?_

There is a heavy _whomp_ sound emanating from inside the _Falcon_ , followed by a quick high-pitched yelp. _Clearly that time has not arrived yet_. 

Han rushes up the ramp, Chewie close behind. They find Ben buried under a series of crates that had been stacked in an out-of-reach storage compartment. Ben’s eyes dart to Han’s at once, guilt and shame pooling there.

_There it is again, just in a different form. Have I shown him that he should fear me, that my love for him is somehow conditional?_

Han condenses himself rapidly, kneeling beside Ben and shoving the boxes off the boy’s frame. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I had a feeling that a wire had come loose and the only way to tell for sure was to empty the storage...” Han hugged Ben, arms reassuring more than he knows his words can.

“It’s alright, as long as you aren’t hurt.” Ben melts into him, a closeness that Han knows he will miss one day. 

“I think I’m getting better at it, dad,” the boy said, looking into Han’s eyes with pride and excitement.

“I know you are, son.” _And that’s only one of the things that scare me_.

* * *

[ 7 years old ]

With a wince, Han attempts to roll onto his side. Being bedridden hasn’t happened many times in his life. For it to happen now only reminds him that he is getting older. It’s a thought he finds disconcerting.

As if summoned by his discomfort, Ben is beside him.

“Are you alright, dad?”

Han tries to stifle his pain. “Yes, son. Nothing I haven’t experienced before.” It’s only partially untrue.

“What happened? Uncle Chewie wouldn’t tell me.” Ben’s eyes have always held a greater number of years than could be accounted for. And when he trains them on Han, it is all Han can do not to entirely break apart.

“Just an accident. They happen. As you well know.” Han gives the boy a direct look. Ben’s ears turn crimson and his mouth tightens. 

“I’m sorry I broke that vase. I shouldn’t have been in your room. Mom was really angry at me.” Ben’s chin quivers slightly. The glimpse of it reminds Han of how young Ben still is, despite his efforts to convince everyone he’s already a mature adult.

Sometimes Han wonders when his son stopped being that jovial little ball of light. When he grew more introverted and serious. _How could you not notice? Where has your focus been?_

It tarnishes his heart that he has been more absent the last few years.

“As I said, accidents happen, kid. Just be aware and try to minimize ‘em.” Ben’s eyes dart away for a moment.

“But… I don’t know how to control it. Something just took over. I was afraid and cold. My whole body shook. Dad, it’s getting worse...” Tears track his cheeks. Han sits up quickly, wheezing in the process. He makes a cave of his body and pulls Ben into it, giving him room to cry. 

Because something terrible is happening. It felt like someone is kidnapping his son in slow motion. And Han has no idea what to do about it.

* * *

[ 8 years old ]

Leia is pacing in front of him.

“There is no other choice. Only Luke can help him.”

“ _Luke?_ He barely knows Ben. Ben needs us, his family. _I’m his father_ and I’m not sending him away.” A fountain of rage is bubbling within him. Some of it is definitely directed at Leia. Some of it comes from somewhere else.

 _You will not fail your son like your parents failed you. You will not cast him off like you were._ It’s the same mantra Han has told himself for the past several years.

“But Han, I’m afraid for him. For us. What if we lose him? What if he hurts people? I could not live with my own son following in Vader’s footsteps.”

Han whirled at her, his face a mixture of disappointment and anger.

“You also came from Vader. You didn’t fall to the dark side. Luke was tempted but was strong enough to overcome it. How _dare_ you think our child would be any different?”

Leia is weeping silently, eyes wide and glassy.

“I’m not strong enough to help him,” she whispers. For a moment, the adrenaline leaves Han and he wants to embrace her. _She never healed. Despite all of our efforts, her wounds are still too much to bear_. But his dedication to Ben overshadows all else.

At least his voice sounds softer now.

“Ben isn’t going anywhere.”

Behind Leia, Ben peaks his head out from behind the wall. His eyes look haunted, confused. Han rushes forward and scoops him up. Even at eight, Han holds him, forever clinging to the scraps of closeness he can salvage.

This is the start of it. Or the end.

* * *

[ 9 years old ]

Leia is gone more and more. 

It was ironic, how Han pushed her to talk to a professional. To process the burdens of her life. The trauma of losing her planet, her parents, her whole life. To uncover her relationship to Vader, the destroyer himself.

She always refused. _Once opened it would never be shut again_. Of course, Han wouldn’t see anyone, either. Lando and Chewie were the best listeners he could ask for, apart from Leia.

Not that she’s available to listen much, anyway. Staying busy rebuilding the galaxy gave her purpose and provided the best chance to find any semblance of healing. But in doing so, Ben feels rejected.

Han finds him working with his new calligraphy set. Leia sent it to him, “ _Because I’m thinking of you, sweetheart._ ” 

Ben loves it. He gets a gleam in his eye as he practices precise strokes. He’s writing another letter to Leia at the moment.

Sensing him, Ben looks up and crooks a smile.

“How’s it coming?”

“I’m improving,” Ben says simply. It rends Han’s heart again to see his boy dwindling. As if the sheer magnitude and vibrance of Ben’s spirit must be covered by layers of self-control, self-consciousness, self-loathing, and doubt.

Han crouches beside him, holding back tears ( _When was the last time you let yourself cry? Has it been decades?_ ). 

“Ben,” Han begins and swallows hard. His solemn boy returns his watery gaze.

“Yes, dad?”

“I love you and I’m incredibly proud of you.” Ben inhales sharply. 

Han realizes he rarely speaks the words. Leia can always tell from his looks alone. But maybe Ben can’t. He commits himself to saying them more often.

“I love you, too.” Ben swings his thin arms around Han’s neck. Gruffly and impatiently, Han hugs him in return.

“What do you say to an off-world adventure?”

Ben jerks his head back and yelps excitedly. He bounces twice, a smile wider than the horizon spanning his face. _There’s my joyful boy_.

* * *

[ 10 years old ]

It’s almost as if Han is fading. The weight of everything is eroding his edges. He is becoming insubstantial before his very eyes.

Incredibly, Leia’s stubbornness is only increasing with age. She insists that Luke is Ben’s only hope. 

The boy’s energy is growing darker. Like tendrils of smoke and ash are obscuring him. Han sees Ben fighting it. But he’s still a child. A child with one parent who didn’t even believe in the force for most of his life. And another with a clear connection to the force that only brings her devastation.

Maybe Leia is right. They can’t meet Ben’s needs. Though Han has tried.

It’s fair to characterize Luke as an absentee uncle. The man has duties and roles that have only doubled since the end of the war. When Luke finally comes to visit, Ben is wary and suspicious. The boy withdraws further into himself. There are no _accidents_ and Han isn’t even called into Ben’s room at night to console him after nightmares ravage his sleep. Han fears that Ben is just struggling through it on his own, trying to show he shouldn’t be sent away.

During this time, it’s like Ben becomes an unfeeling shell of himself. Luke tries to reach out, to connect, to build a bridge of trust. But it’s soon clear that Luke cannot achieve this, at least while Ben is in Chandrila.

Han has never hated himself more. He has faced endless challenges and risen to formidable occasion to achieve his objectives. _How can this gentle, haunted boy, the most important soul in the universe to Han, be the task where he comes up short?_

Ben spends more and more time reading, writing, and being silent. He is painfully young and already more burdened than Han can comprehend. The yearning to remove the sinister load from Ben creeps over him at night. And all he can do is choke into his pillow, thrashing against the force invading his life.

Each morning, Han awakens but remains exhausted. Ben looks at him steadily over the breakfast table, words unspoken gathering in the silence. And Han is wrecked.

* * *

[ 11 years old ]

Maz said _it has to be you_. He stops letting fear rule his life.

Ben is sitting under a tree, a history book in his lap. The sun is bright and blaring. And yet Ben sits in a black tunic and black pants. His feet are bare, at least. _Some sign he is still present in his body, still aware he is a child_.

Ben doesn’t notice him at first. Han takes his shoes off and plops down. Ben startles.

“What are you doing?” His voice is a bit rough from lack of use. Han sets his jaw.

“I’m not going to lose you.”

Ben tilts his head, brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Something has been happening. And I’ve never confronted it head-on. I’ve been afraid.” Han inhales deeply, feeling his chest shrink during the exhale. Ben sits frozen, book still open across his legs. “I’m an imposter. I always have been. I didn’t know my parents. I’ve never seen parenting done right. As soon as I held you, I knew I was inadequate. You were so small, the most precious thing I’d ever touched. And I decided to try harder at this than I ever have before at anything. To be worthy of you. To give you what I didn’t have.” 

Han gulps. Ben’s eyes show layers of sadness and torment. Isolation and despair.

“But at some point, I stopped trying that hard. It became easier to divert my eyes from your pain. Because I felt helpless. Which is the most pathetic excuse.” Han sets a steady hand on his son’s shoulder. “But not anymore. I won’t give up. For you, I will be stronger and braver than I have had to be in all my life. We will face this threat together. You and I. As it always should be.”

Ben collapses like a falling tree, ridgid and final. Han holds him, letting tears spill from his eyes at last. Each one is hot and salty and Han feels deep release.

“I’m sorry, Ben. Things are going to be different, now.”

* * *

[ 12 years old ]

Han has normalized the expression of feelings. He knows Lando will laugh and Chewie will harumph. He knows Leia will give him a look that says _about kriffing time_. And Luke, in all of his enlightened glory, will simply maintain an aloof expression.

But Ben is transformed by it.

Maybe that’s all Han ever had to do. Talk about his own feelings, naming his own fears, disappointments, sadness. Making it not just acceptable but encouraged to address internal struggles. Maz’s words reverberate in the caverns of his mind frequently. _We cannot battle an unknown thing. And thus, we learn to know it_.

Ben is smiling more and laughing again. He spends less time with his face in a book and more hours working on the _Millenium Falcon_. To Han’s endless satisfaction, Ben is back to saying he wants to be a pilot.

Unfortunately, the nightmares remain. Han is still clueless how to completely eradicate such insidious assaults. So he stays in Ben’s room, almost always in a shallow not-quite-fully-asleep mode that lets him dash to his son’s side at the earliest sign of distress.

They talk about the dreams. Ben draws them, writes about them. Han figures that if they can look at the nightmares directly, they can work together to take away their power. They are terrifying but Han puts on his bravest face.

Maz has no kids that Han knows about. But her knowledge, patience, wisdom, and insight are all tools that have saved Ben. Han is sure of it. If she hadn’t reached out to him to ask about Ben (her own force sensitivity becoming increasingly impressive in Han’s eyes), Ben would be living with Luke. And Han would be roaming the empty galaxy with an empty heart. Han knows that would have been the wrong path. 

_Now, if only I could reach that laser caliper…_ Han thinks, lying underneath the _Falcon_.

“Here you go, dad,” Ben says, floating the tool to him. His mouth is lifted in a half smile. It amazes Han how the boy’s face is changing. He is growing his hair out a bit. The ears still protrude and it makes Han grin.

“Thanks, kid.”

* * *

[ 13 years old ]

“But _dad_ , I am tired of meditating. Please! Let’s just get off-world. See something new.”

Han looks at his son patiently. “If we get up and leave every time you feel restless, we’ll never stay in one place longer than a few minutes. Now sit and focus. As little as I understand the force, I _do_ see the value in learning to control when the episodes happen.”

Ben glares over at him and shrugs aggressively. 

“Such attitude,” Han teases. He’s amazed he can actually be helpful during meditation hour. It’s more accurately, _Ben’s_ meditation hour. For Han, it’s the hour to drink his morning caf and catch up on his holopad, while frequently reminding Ben to relax.

“Have you ever tried to meditate? You have outbursts too, you know.” 

Han rolls his eyes. “Now look, you cheeky teenager. I’ve come a long way. You can’t imagine what I was like at your age.”

Ben chortles. “That’s true. It’s a wonder mom ever fell in love with you.”

“Since you’re a lot like me, I won’t be surprised if you fall for someone just as feisty and defiant as your mother. We Solos can’t help but be attracted to people way out of our league.”

Ben grimaces. “I’m not interested in _attractions_.” Han holds back a laugh. It comes out as an awkward cough.

“You say so now. You just wait. Soon you’ll see the world in a whole new set of colors. A brilliant and heart-breaking palette. You have no idea just how soon you’ll be changing your opinion, kid.”

Finally put off from the conversation, Ben scowls, readjusts his position, and closes his eyes.

Han stares at his son, at once treasuring and regretting the passage of time.

* * *

[ 16 years old ]

“This isn’t going according to plan,” Han yells from the cockpit. It is more of an observation than a vocalization of anger. Ben dashes back and slides into the co-pilot's seat.

“Do things ever go according to plan?” Ben asks, switching things expertly as they hurtle through hyperspace. 

The boy fits in the chair now, his legs spilling onto the floor and long arms darting across the control panel. The sense of pride Han feels piloting with Ben threatens to overpower him. Ben’s look of sheer delight only adds to his heightened emotional state.

“Fair point.” Han decides a reroute is necessary, realizing the ship on their tail has figured out their existing destination. “Alright, we can go anywhere in the galaxy. But it needs to be an obscure place, somewhere unexpected. Somewhere nobody wants to go. Got any ideas in that encyclopedic head of yours?”

“How about Jakku?” Ben glances at Han and they share a smirk.

“Yeah, that fits the bill, alright.”

They hurtle across the expanse of space, both elated about the rush of the escape and the joy of risky adventure together. It’s as if Han was never meant to be anywhere else but flying this ship in the face of uncertainty, hollering beside his son as they try to outrun some enemy.

“By the way, why Jakku?”

Ben doesn’t respond immediately. “I don’t know. I… _sense_ something there. Something important.”

“Sounds to me like we’re killing two porgs with one stone.” Han grins.

* * *

[ 18 years old ]

Ben turns eighteen today. Han has no idea how it happened. The round little baby became a gangly boy became an (almost) filled out man. 

Ben finds every opportunity to point out that he is taller than Han, and he’s likely to grow even taller. At this point, Han doesn’t mind in the least. His once boisterous ego has settled down.

“You’re still shorter than Chewie.” Beside him, Chewie bellows his agreement. The Wookie takes a hold of Ben and wrangles him into an embrace.

“Alright, alright, uncle. Please let me breathe.”

Leia is standing nearby, only slightly less composed than usual. She made sure there would be no interruptions today. And she seems happier than she has in a long time.

“My son only turns eighteen once,” she says, hugging him. Han can tell Ben is a bit stiff but eventually he relaxes against his mother.

“How’s Rey?” Ben asks, as he always does. The orphan they rescued from Jakku holds a special place in Ben’s heart. Of course, she turned out to be force sensitive, which explains what Ben sensed on Jakku.

“She’s doing well. Luke is very impressed with her abilities. He asked that I tell you ‘Happy Birthday,’ not that he remembered on his own.” Leia chuckles. “But Rey did. She sent you this.” Leia presents a box to Ben. 

Han moves closer, noticing that Ben’s fingers are shaking slightly as they pull at the ribbon.

Inside the box is a clay model of the _Millenium Falcon_ and two humanoid figures. She painted one with dark hair and the other with brown. Ben presses his lips together, eyes wide as plates.

“What a thoughtful kid. I think she has a crush on you.” Han is grinning at Ben, who whips his head up so quickly his hair bounces and flops.

“Dad, that’s ridiculous. She’s eight.”

“Give her ten years, who knows what will happen.” Ben gives Han a horrified look. Then he glances at Leia, pleading her to reign Han in.

“Han, please, don’t be crass.” Leia’s voice is weary.

“Alright, that was inappropriate. Anyway, she’ll be a jedi, right? No attachments?”

Ben’s eyes darken a bit and his voice is quiet when he says, “We’ll still be able to be friends. Luke doesn’t rail against friendship.” 

“Of course. I think you two are bonded for life.” Leia smiles then, a genuine expression of her confidence.

“Now it’s time to sing for the birthday boy!” Han hollers. Ben covers his face in embarrassment. But Han knows he secretly loves it.

* * *

[ 22 years old ]

_Han is standing in front of someone who looks like Ben, but whose features are stitched with agony and sadness. Their eyes are locked and emotions are crashing together, remnants of an exploded moon._

_I’m being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me? the non-Ben says._

_Yes, anything, the non-Han replies._

_Suddenly, he is pierced by pain and fire. His hand goes to the man’s face, touching skin he knows is Ben’s but not. The last of it is an endless fall into an abyss._

Han jerks awake in his room on the _Falcon_ , clutching his chest and gasping for air. Ben is through the door and beside him.

“Dad, what’s wrong?” His brows are knit together, sleepy eyes alarmed.

“Ben,” Han chokes out, grasping at his son. “A bad dream. Just a bad dream.” Ben holds him, their roles reversed, son comforting father. And Han doesn’t mind. It’s exactly where he’s meant to be.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading 💛
> 
> This is my first canonverse fanfic. It's a doozy (at least for me). I hope it's opening the door to more in-universe stories.
> 
> I'm calling this "canon-divergence revisionist history." I've been reading Last Shot and was really struck by how low Han's self-esteem is, especially regarding fatherhood. He really didn't think he was any good at it. I think he was deeply afraid of failing/realizing his possible shortcomings, so he didn't try as hard as he should have. He wasn't there for Ben as I think he wanted to be, as he could have been. I wanted to make Han confront his fear.
> 
> I believe in a Han that would fight for Ben.
> 
> P.S. I didn't plan for Rey to have any role but DANG she just popped up under my fingertips, pushing her way into the story. It's very appropriate.
> 
> P.P.S. You can find me on [tumblr](https://briaeveridian.tumblr.com/) where my SW obsession lives aggressively.


End file.
